Where Things Stand: 2021 NFL Edition Part 1

20 min readOct 7, 2021

We’re back!!

Yes, it’s been forever! Where Things Stand: 2021 NFL Edition has arrived! And I’m very excited to present the third year of the series alongside my long-time editor Brandon Lewis.

Let’s not forget our interns Paul, Randy and Mindy who contribute so much to this series! We’re still working on retrieving intern Jason right now. Our progress on the revised time machine is coming along smoothly. So far, all indicators show we aren’t making a one way trip device like our first attempt.

Speaking of how these editions are going to go, the NFL has screwed up my publishing formula by adding a 17th game and producing an 18th week on the schedule.

We placed a call to Commissioner Goodell, but he was unmoved by my plea. The almighty dollar wins out once again! Moving forward, Parts 1 and 2 will cover Weeks 1–4 and 5–8, while Parts 3 and 4 will be based on Weeks 9–13 and 14–18.

For those new to the series, welcome on in! We suggest reading the 2019 series in my author’s archive at blacksquirrelradio.com (Top of Page 4 results, the rest are on the third page of articles) and the 2020 editions.

For our returning readers, we hope the humor, snark and analysis brings you laughter and joy.

For the 2020 editions, click on the following hyperlinks to read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4 (Side note, 2020’s Part 4 was dual posted to BSR, but I hyperlinked the Medium version above).

More importantly, there are teams to shred and destroy, narratives to reinforce, Mulligan Teams to identify for the end of the year, and apologies owed. Let’s get to it by starting off in the AFC East.

*Note: All team page hyperlinks are to ESPN.

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AFC East

Buffalo: 3–1

Miami: 1–3

Patriots: 1–3

NY Jets: 1–3

State of the AFC East

Buffalo: This Bills team is a playoff contender. That Week 1 loss to the Steelers was a mere blip on the radar.

While I’m happy for the franchise, my tune will assuredly change should they face off against the Browns in the postseason.

But for now, I don’t have much on Bills Mafia. All I ask is that you don’t let the Patriots climb out of the abyss.

Miami: Woof! What a tough start for these Dolphins. They were obliterated by Bills Mafia and had a stake driven through their heart in an overtime loss to the Raiders in Week 3. The Raiders got their revenge from last season’s screw up against Fitzmagic.

A third straight loss after a season opening win certainly isn’t what some people like myself expected from Brian Flores’ crew.

Do you know why Miami isn’t performing up to expectations? Tua Tagovailoa is on injured reserve, and Jacoby Brissett is the temporary fill-in. I’m also going to guess the Deshaun Watson rumors that have been swirling all offseason (and too numerous to count) don’t exactly inspire morale.

While the Dolphins would be insane to give up on Tua right now, I will give Owner Stephen Ross some credit for not bungling the situation and letting his football people work without intervening to nab Watson.

New England: As I am writing this line on March 19, 2021 at 3:05 p.m., Bill Belichick has gone on a free agency bonanza splurge! Matthew Judon, Hunter Henry, Jonnu Smith, Jalen Mills, Nelson Agholor, Trent Brown and others. “The Hoodie” really is pissed about Tom Brady winning the Super Bowl without him, huh?

I guess this is what happens when you give that man over $60 million in cap space during COVID-19 free agency, eh? I never thought I’d see the day where Belichick would do that.

And what are the results of such spending!?

Less than inspiring, to say the least. The club released former MVP Cam Newton to hand the reins of the offense over to Alabama rookie and №15 overall pick Mac Jones. Jones hasn’t necessarily looked brilliant so far, but Belichick works in mysterious ways.

It still might not save you from the Mulligan Team designation. I will use it if I can find any reasonable justification. Do not question my resolve.

There’s still something more important to talk about: How did the Hoodie fare against TB12 in his former franchise quarterback’s return to New England?

A doinked kick away from potentially beating Brady. The problem with that loss to the Bucs? He gave his former quarterback too much time. Kind of like teams giving Aaron Rodgers too much time. You’d think Bill would have learned that lesson over 20 years.

That’s enough talk on the former evil empire for now. This isn’t the New England Invitational Division anymore.

New York: The “Butt Fumblers” narrative isn’t being as easily erased as the “Bungals” were. I love Robert Saleh’s hiring, but I want more data before removing such a label, no matter how this team — or its new QB — has played so far.

And yeah, Zach Wilson has looked terrible, aka like a rookie. On the Yikes-meter, it’s a 7 out of 10 after eeking out an overtime win over the Titans.

Speaking of yikes, Adam Gase. He is literally an omen of death for any program he’s a part of. He should never step foot near a football team ever again. I’ll let Pat McAfee explain further.

Just remember Butt Fumblers, build an offensive line to protect Zach Wilson. He can’t save you if he needs saving himself. And win another game or two, and we can give you some dignity. Okay? Okay.

AFC North

Cincinnati: 3–1

Baltimore: 3–1

Cleveland: 3–1

Pittsburgh: 1–3

State of the AFC North:

Cincinnati: “At least my two uncles on the one side of the family get Joe Burrow back next year, and I am not looking forward to those two games. We already had two close contests, and I want a little brother in the division to pick on that can also beat Pittsburgh and Baltimore.

Welp, get ready for Burrow Comeback Szn, folks.”

I hate being proven right in some cases. This is one of them.

The only reason the Bengals sit atop of the division, — albeit tied with the Browns Ravens — is because Joe Burrow and JaMarr Chase have been electric. I’m still in the camp that actually giving Burrow an O-Line to protect him by drafting Penei Sewell would have been the smarter decision over the long term.

There’s one problem for Cincy fans excited by their fast start (aside from the line): The defense.

It’s not good enough for even Burrow to overcome for another 14 weeks. That defense will be the death of this Bengals squad, one way or another. That, or Zac Taylor.

Baltimore: Which god did you guys anger this year? It certainly wasn’t the “Curse of MetLife”, though losing all three of your top running backs before a single snap was played raises questions.

JK Dobbins, Gus Edwards, and Justice Hill all went down with either torn ACL’s or an achilles in the latter’s case. Marcus Peters is done, too.

Yet, you got bailed out against the Chiefs (no fumble means 1–2), and Justin Tucker hitting this record 66-yard field goal to beat the Lions:

Give Tucker his Hall of Fame jacket right now (not even joking). He and Adam Vinateri have locked up spots in Canton.

Cleveland: Okay, so I woke up from my drunken Kool-Aid sadness back in January and found the Browns had spanked Pittsburgh without Kevin Stefanski and others. That was a nice surprise.

Chad Henne was the only thing that realistically kept the Browns from maybe going to the Super Bowl, but let’s be real: Tom Brady and the Bucs would have demolished that defense. Everything after Pittsburgh was house money!

Since last season ended, Andrew Berry upgraded Joe Woods’s defensive unit with:

-ex-Rams safety John Johnson III on a discount

-Another LA Ram in slot corner Troy Hill

-Jadeveon Clowney on a one-year prove-it deal

-Greg Newsome in the first round to pair with Denzel Ward

-A steal in Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah after teams flagged him for a heart issue that he ended up cleared of, and the Browns traded up to select in the second round.

What… What is this team?! Oh dear lord! I’m watching a Super Bowl contending Browns squad. AND THEY’VE WON THREE IN A ROW SINCE AN OPENING LOSS AT ARROWHEAD!!!!

I feel mostly at ease! People are actually in charge and know what the hell they’re doing. And they extended Nick Chubb.

However, while Baker Mayfield has had a solid start, the Minnesota game left a lot to be desired. I wasn’t expecting 500 yards and 40 points but some poorly underthrown passes and a few overthrows were tough to stomach. He’s not a touchdown machine right now, but he certainly needs to look more like second-half 2020 Baker to cash in this offseason.

Last but not least, Myles Garrett is a monster and superior to TJ Watt. COME AT ME YINZERS!!!

Pittsburgh: Oh my god, the Steelers are in last place!

Oh! This is too good to be true!

No, I won’t continue to rub it in for the moment. I’m not taking the chance of any karma coming back to bite me (yet). That’s the very last thing I need.

AFC South

Tennessee: 2–2

Houston: 1–3

Indianapolis: 1–3

Jacksonville: 0–4

State of the AFC South:

Tennessee: If you’re expecting the old 9–7 narrative, it’s dead. It can’t ever happen again unless the NFL shocked the world and went back to a 16 game schedule.

Though I doubt many were expecting a 2–2 Titans squad as the current leaders of the division. This smells an awful lot like a particular division from last year right now. And the only thing that saves it from completely rotting is this team.

This is a meh narrative for the moment.

Houston: “When JJ Watt blasts you after losing to the Bengals, you know something went wrong way after Hack O’Brien.

The good news is that your suffering for this season is over.

The bad news is you’re still screwed.”

Perhaps I didn’t think a team could get screwed further than they previously were like these guys, but apparently I was off the mark by A LOT!

We did this in 2020 Part 1, but to measure the insane offseason the Houston Texans underwent in 2021 is… hard to fathom.

Deshaun Watson is facing over 20 alleged accusers of sexual harassment, the FBI is involved, and before ANY of this crap came out… Watson demanded a trade.

I won’t dive deep into whether Watson is innocent or not, but his trade value is tanked, and the Texans are going to pay him to sit. Some of this situation with Watson (football side only) could have been avoided if Cal McNair could have kept his hands away from the hiring process for the next general manager after the team backed off Nick Caserio over tampering charges from the Patriots a few years ago.

And look, I think Caserio will be a good general manager, but not giving Watson any input — your likely ex-franchise quarterback at some point — was an egregious mistake.

I feel bad for David Culley. I’m glad he finally got a job as a head coach, but this situation is a mess that still has the pungent smell of the Hack O’Brien regime.

Indianapolis: The Colts addressed the quarterback situation by trading a conditional first round draft pick for Carson Wentz, something that seemed like a perfect match on paper.

Can you guess what’s happened?

Wentz can’t shed the injury-prone label. He’s playing on not one, but two sprained ankles and has not been in the best of shape to deliver franchise-caliber results.

I also believe your All-Pro guard is out for the foreseeable future and… well, I’m not overly enthusiastic about the situation in Indy. Yeah, let’s leave it there and revisit things in a few weeks.

OH!! I have an important announcement!

We all know that the Colts are as stuck as they are due to the negligence of former General Manager Ryan Grigson and Owner Jim Irsay.

You might notice former head coach Chuck Pagano’s name is missing from said list. This interview is why he’s been removed from the narrative and has been forgiven of any past shredding. He’s an incredible human being and a good dude.

Jacksonville: “There have been rumors with ex-Ohio State coach Urban Meyer making the jump to the pros with the Jags, but he’s reportedly asking for a lot of money and said reports were news to Owner Shad Khan.

Personally, I don’t think Meyer would make the jump given the stress it would put on him, including a brain cyst that has been problematic for Meyer, and retiring after the 2019 Rose Bowl. Health problems also were a main contributor to his departure from Florida.

There’s also Meyer’s promise when he took the OSU job to spend more time with his family, and I personally don’t believe Shelly Meyer would let Urban take another coaching job in college or at the NFL level that easily!”

I’m still flabbergasted by how wrong I was about Meyer coming to coach the Jaguars and Trevor Lawrence.

But here we are! 0–4, Lawrence not looking that great (I KNOW THAT HE’S A ROOKIE), Meyer making a bunch of baffling decisions (i.e trading Joe Schobert?), and the constant rumors of him going to USC, which I actually put a very minimal amount of stock into the reckless speculation market on that front.

A number of people have wanted to see what Meyer would look like in the NFL for years. Let’s wait and see how he fares the rest of the season before completely demolishing him.

I will attach the caveat that if something inexplicably dumb happens, we will talk about it. I know what happened after Week 4 may fall under that category, but I want to wait and see instead of overreacting to that situation.

AFC West

LA Chargers: 3–1

Las Vegas: 3–1

Denver: 3–1

Kansas City: 2–2

State of the AFC West:

LA Chargers: The Bolts are off to a decent start with sophomore quarterback Justin Herbert. What’s been more impressive is Mike Williams finally breaking out like we thought he would… a few years later than expected.

These guys worry me to some extent because for some reason, their history is littered with special teams miscues that end up biting them in the rear end. I’ll tread cautiously here.

Las Vegas: Is this finally the year the Raiders get out to a fast start and don’t collapse at the end?!

I had intern Paul go fetch the crystal ball, but we found that someone used it and forgot we only have one-time use batteries. Yes, if you want an actual working crystal ball, you need special batteries and it only works once a year.

I suspect my editor Brandon Lewis tested it out without remembering to tell me since I wanted to see if the Browns finally at least made it to the Super Bowl (I wouldn’t have tried to look for the final score) to see what his team would do.

Alas, Las Vegas is still on the shortlist for the Mulligan designation if things go awry under Jon Gruden yet again, but I will applaud them for the positive start.

Denver: Drew Lock is now a backup in Denver.

Meanwhile, Denver was guided to a 3–1 record due to a soft schedule in their first three games before Baltimore came in and landed a reality check.

Teddy Bridgewater was taken out for a concussion in the Ravens contest, but if you want a few more wins and a chance at contention, you better hope he bounces back in short order.

Kansas City: If you told me the Chiefs would currently be 2–2 four games in, I’d call you a liar.

Well, it happened. I’m not overly worried about the offense, but the defense? That unit needs to gel and quickly!

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It’s about damn time someone stepped up in the hated NFC East!

Seriously! If I had to use each one of these teams as a punching bag again, I don’t know if I would have had to actually make a whole separate article on these four teams.

Unfortunately, editor Brandon Lewis shall only know pain. I think I’ll make him write the Philly narrative and the pain may end soon if his prognostication is on point.

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NFC East

Dallas: 3–1

Washington: 2–2

Philly: 1–3

NY Giants: 1–3

State of the NFC East:

Dallas: Dak Prescott got paid — handsomely, mind you.

With Jerry Jones finally breaking before letting Prescott take the Kirk Cousins route, he has rewarded Dallas with top-caliber play like before he wound up on IR last year.

He is able to carry this team past the faults of Mike McCarthy and has seen an Ezekiel Elliott renaissance result from not being a one-dimensional team.

Let’s see if the above narrative completely backfires in a couple of weeks.

Washington: Really? Sewage bursts??

The team is halfway decent on the field, but there is much to be desired.

Oh, and Dan Snyder has been sidelined to some extent! Let’s see how long that lasts.

Philadelphia: Brandon, please do the honors. I feel as if I need a true Fleagles fan to encapsulate what this team actually is right now.

“Man, the Atlanta win in Week 1 was encouraging. Second-year quarterback Jalen Hurts looked like he made progress from year one, the defensive line took over the ball game, and new head coach Nick Sirianni looked like his hire was the right decision.

The next three weeks… HAVE PULLED MY GUTS OUT!

Listen, I realize this is not the same team that went down to Minnesota and kicked the tar out of “The Hoodie”, but there’s a lot of veterans that were on that team still in Philly. There’s no way this team should be as poorly coached as it is right now!

Through the first four games, the birds lead the league in penalties by a WIDE MARGIN! The Eagles have gotten 44 penalties accepted against them, 10 more than the second-most penalized team (Tampa Bay). Those penalties have not only cost the Eagles points, but games too.

The Eagles led the Niners in Week 2. It was 3–0 when Hurts hit Quez Watkins on a 91-yard dime down the sideline. What happened next was the worst sequence of play-calling I have ever seen in my life as an Eagles fan!

Sean, roll this clip from Brian Baldinger!

Through the first two games, the birds defense had given up only 23 points, and I was optimistic that my defense — led by former St. Ignatius grad Jonathan Gannon — was going to be a potentially great unit.

Then, Dak Prescott and Patrick Mahaomes hit me right in between my eyelids! Back-to-back weeks of giving up 40-plus points isn’t fun to watch!

However, Hurts only has two turnovers all year, both in the Dallas game, and he is progressing. DeVonta Smith has shown signs of being a potential №1 WR. This team has signs. Javon Hargrave could be an All-Pro next to Fletcher Cox this year. He already has five sacks, and he’s single-handedly saving a lot of open run room.

But, when four of your five starting offensive lineman are not in a ball game, it’s tough to win. The schedule is brutal early but gets WAY easier on the back half.

My expectation is at least seven wins, and I do actually think they can compete for the East (call me crazy)! I completely discount the G-Men, and the Football Team doesn’t really have a QB (I’m not a believer in Heinicke). The only team I’m worried about is Dallas, who has a head coach who doesn’t even know how to manage a clock!”

Thank you, Brandon. Now please enjoy a quick peek into BSR’s Sports Debate room on a bit I couldn’t overlook with Siriani’s coaching and a brief tweet from Brandon.

NY Giants: TRAINING CAMP GASSERS!!! That’s one of the funniest moments I’ve seen, (well, Twitter thread described) in a while.

Yet I am still underwhelmed by this team, Daniel Jones and the sudden disappearance of their defense.

I feel like Joe Judge is out after this year. If Dave Gettleman goes, then I’ll be shocked if Judge is retained.

NFC North

Green Bay: 3–1

Chicago: 2–2

Minnesota: 1–3

Detroit: 0–4

State of the NFC North:

Green Bay: R-E-L-A-X. That’s what Packers fans have been able to do since getting crushed in Week 1 against the Saints in Jacksonville.

I wish my words could do more for the Cheeseheads. This is it for them.

IT’S TIME FOR AARON RODGERS’ LAST DANCE!! BROUGHT TO YOU BY: BRIAN GUTEKUNST AND THE NON-COACHING SIDE OF THE ORGANIZATION SCREWING EVERYTHING UP!!

The drama of the offseason is too much to hyperlink everything here. From ESPN and Anthony Mackie’s ESPYS bit, to all the actual drama, vacations and rumors. It was a fever dream of excitement, adrenaline and pure laughter for everyone outside Green Bay.

Forcing the team to bring back Randall Cobb? They bent to his will and rescued an old friend from the misery of Texas!

How about the first press conference after Rodgers reported to the team? PURE GOLD.

Intern Mindy, ROLL THE FOOTAGE!!

Man, what a ride! I was covering the NFL Draft from downtown Cleveland with WKSU when Adam Schefter broke the news on my shuttle ride over to the Great Lakes Science Center, where I’d be set up for the next three days (while sleeping in my own bed at home, of course).

Saddle up, football fans! You never know what’ll happen in Green Bay the rest of the way.

Chicago: Let’s play everyone’s new favorite game: “How long did it take Matt Nagy to bench Andy Dalton for Justin Fields?”

A) He didn’t

B) He did after a poor start/injury

C) Right before publishing

D) Fields won the job in camp

E) Other

It was option B. He played better against the Lions, but c’mon. It’s the Lions.

Against legitimate competition in the Browns, Fields wound up on the ground nine times in a 4.5 sack day for Myles Garrett.

Still, Nagy needs to find a way to get the youngster up to speed or change some aspects of the scheme when he’s not starting Andy Dalton. A firing could be right around the corner.

Also, losing David Montgomery for 4–5 weeks? Yeah, good luck with that.

Minnesota: “They’ll be back in the postseason next year since they’ll be playing a third-place schedule, and it’ll be an odd year on the calendar.”

I am starting to believe the Vikings and the San Francisco Giants have swapped their even year-odd year luck in terms of winning.

Even with Minnesota’s Kirk Cousins off to a pretty good start, they’re 1–3 to begin the season for the second straight season.

The only other explanation I could have for the poor record is Black Squirrel Radio’s Quentin Griffin possibly winning the BSR Madden Tournament yet again.

Detroit: I truly don’t know what to say about the Lions. Matthew Stafford was traded to the Rams for a bevy of draft capital and Jared Goff. The team had more ref ball shenanigans that allowed a record-setting field goal as time expired for another heartbreaking loss? The Packers demolition of the city?

Perhaps Detroit is cursed by one of their most beloved and productive players in franchise history.

Yes, I’m talking about Calvin “Megatron” Johnson. The team has withheld $1.6 million in a messy affair, and he’s not happy. After all the pain and suffering you put the Hall of Famer through, you should pay him that money.

If not, I won’t be surprised if Detroit has a second active curse they’ll have to break. Though this one involves the Ford family just writing a check to make it go away!

They probably won’t. I’m sorry, Lions fans.

NFC South

Tampa Bay: 3–1

Carolina: 3–1

New Orleans: 2–2

Atlanta: 1–3

State of the NFC South:

Tampa Bay: “I was able to correctly prognosticate that Tampa would make the playoffs with no further comment on their postseason fate earlier this season. I’ll stick to the no comment part on their final outcome.

…

Still, they have Brady, Gronk, Brate, Howard, Godwin, AB, RoJo, Fournette, Scotty Miller and a few other pieces if Evans can’t play. If you’re the GOAT, you won’t make an excuse of missing Evans if you don’t make it to or win the Super Bowl.”

Tom Brady is the definitive GOAT. End of any debate.

His passing of Drew Brees in his return to New England for the all-time passing leader title? Yep, that helps cement his GOAT status.

By the way, intern Randy, please roll the Brady return to New England clip!

And guess what? All 22 starters returned to the team for the 2021 campaign. Not to mention recently bringing in Richard Sherman.

I don’t hate the Bucs per se, but… they aren’t that lovable either. Kind of like the Patriots of old.

They’re winning a second Super Bowl, aren’t they?

Carolina: Who knew Matt Rhule could fix Sam Darnold?

Now, I know it’s early, but you have to admit this team looks good… before Christian McCaffery gets hurt yet again.

Can some college develop another CMC-type weapon so the whole NFL can complain how broken the Panthers offense would be? I’m half-tempted to find out what this reality would look like.

Maybe that’s the first thing we do with a fully functioning time machine! Go forward instead of backward to find out… when it’s finally working and we’ve retrieved intern Jason from 1981.

And of course, getting Stephon Gilmore from New England for a sixth round draft pick is a nice bonus when he comes back in a couple of weeks.

New Orleans: Jameis Winston is the successor to Drew Brees for the moment.

The results? A mixed bag, but there are some positives.

Unfortunately, I don’t know how you manage the Michael Thomas situation. Good luck getting that all straightened out!

Atlanta: The Fall Down Cons got a potential generational talent in the draft in Kyle Pitts. He doesn’t look like a tight end, but wow!

The numbers don’t jump off the box score, but maybe this team has something. Though it may take a few more years and a few more quarterbacks to get over the 28–3 debacle.

NFC West

Arizona: 4–0

LA Rams: 3–1

Seattle: 2–2

San Fran: 2–2

State of the NFC West:

Arizona: “My message to Kingsbury: Get a fully-fledged defense and sharpen up your discipline to avoid another collapse in year three. You’ll be on a short leash and any catastrophic start will lead to your firing, and me quoting this section at some point in the 2021 Edition.”

Huh. Perhaps Kliff Kingsbury can coach in the NFL and actually find a defense. And I actually quoted that for a good reason, aka NOT his firing.

Perhaps it helps landing J.J. Watt in a stunner free agency decision and him elevating his teammates.

I do not know. Maybe Brandon’s optimism is finally going to pay off. I may hold off on declaring them a runaway for the division because…

LA Rams: The LA Super Frauds are dead. The LA Rams are the sexy team in football after bringing Matthew Stafford closer to old friend Clayton Kershaw, and the results have been marvelous.

With the only loss coming against the Cardinals, these Rams have destroyed everyone with the Stafford to Cooper Kupp connection.

Also, DeSean Jackson still catching long TD passes? Who Knew!

I’m feeling somewhat confident they won’t be a Mulligan Team again for a bit.

Seattle: Okay! Slow start, but it’s not gonna be enough in this “Division of Death” for the second straight year.

This Seahawks team has been hot and cold, even after catering to Wilson by making some offensive changes and then paying Jamal Adams.

I’m not gonna say it’s a make or break year for you guys, but… yeah. It’s a make or break year for you guys.

San Francisco: Good news: You haven’t had to play away from home like at the end of last year, and all of your good players haven’t suffered from the “Curse of MetLife” this year!

The bad news: You’ve got a couple of key injuries to guys like Raheem Mostert that don’t really help the cause.

Still, they can compete. While some intrigue is focused on Trey Lance and when he might take over for Jimmy G, be patient.

If you remember, it took a few weeks before Shanahan started the latter quarterback after nabbing him from the Patriots. Lance will be ready when Shannahan needs him to be. You’ll see.

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Part 1 is in the books and some of you may be wondering where all the extra snark was?

To be truthful, I felt I needed to give some of the usual suspects a ~slight reprieve~ so not to drive home stale narratives.

On Monday, we have the MLB finale going live at 1 p.m. here on Medium. I truly don’t know if that edition will ever be produced again.

Anyway, I’ll see you in four weeks for Part 2! Until then, stay healthy and please remember to be kind to others. You never know when you may see someone again.

RIP: Matt Loede