Where Things Stand: 2023 NFL Edition Part 4-Finale
“Every ending is a beginning. We just don’t know it at the time.”
~Mitch Albom
This is the 20th Where Things Stand: NFL Edition article I’ve written up.
Four parts divided up to cover a portion of the schedule in every season. Spread over five years.
If you’d told me and forever editor Brandon Lewis back during our run at Kent State that we’d still be doing this a half-decade later, I wouldn’t be sure how to respond.
The now-dormant MLB Edition is what sparked the NFL Editions to come to life. Each year has seen so many changes — from my evolution as a writer to the roles we each held — yet one thing remains constant.
We’re still here. Honestly, I wanted to just let loose and have some fun when we started this. Be a little crazy and off the wall. Little did we know how much this would all evolve.
If you’re a longtime reader, you’ll know every Part 4 Finale has a little ending quote of some sort like Albom’s for this year. Just like how we check in on a specific date and time with the New England team when we start writing that year’s WTS. I don’t know why I started that as a Part 1 only narrative, other than it made me laugh.
Sometimes, that’s what I needed the most over the past few years. Juggling as much as I have (and I’m leaving out a ton of context) has been more draining than anyone outside of Brandon and a few others may ever know.
Yet, as long as I can keep going — or allowed in some circumstances — on WTS, we’ll keep coming back.
Because it’s never the end, really. It’s the start of something new.
From the introduction of the interns with Paul, Mindy, Randy, Jason, Zack, Allison, Diann and Jake, to our various projects, the end of something beautiful can yield something even more precious.
Hell, Jason started out in the doghouse after screwing up the time machine, getting stuck in the past on the one-way experiment and finally bringing him home with the final version for two-way time travel.
Over the last year or two, Jason has redeemed himself and now has finally graduated! Along with Mindy getting the promotion to associate, Jason will be one of our three associates next year, including current-associate Paul.
This is where that quote at the beginning comes back into play. Associate Randy was the first intern Brandon and I hired back in 2020.
To keep it short, Randy was offered a position that I couldn’t even bear to try and talk him out of. He took the job and we threw him a bash that he would never forget! Chocolates, sweets, and every favorite food he could want, we had it for him.
It is a sad moment for myself, Brandon, Paul, Mindy and Jason, the ones who’ve been around Randy the longest. He’s been a rock these past few years for us and a sense of reason among the interns and associates. While his presence will be diminished going forward, I do have good news: WTS Inc. has secured Randy’s services part-time after finalizing a contract with his new employer!
Every year, Randy will be available to us for every Part 2 Edition and Part 4 Finale through the 2030 NFL season (this includes the 2030 WTS: NFL Part 4 Finale that will go live in January 2031). While he may be transitioning into a part-time presence, Randy will always have a place here in the WTS family.
Now with my extra long monologue for the end of Year 5 done with, time to get to the meat and potatoes of this 2023 Part 4 Finale!!
But before that (I can hear the groans), if you missed 2023’s Part 1, Part 2 or Part 3, click on them and go back to catch up on what you missed. By clicking on Part 1, it can take you on the inception loop all the way to the beginning.
Oh! Wait a minute!! WE HAD NO TIE GAMES FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE WE STARTED WTS!!!
FINALLY!!!!! MY FORMATTING ISN’T SCREWED!!!!!!!!
Now that I’m off that little trip, what’s on today’s agenda?
THE AFC AND NFC MULLIGAN TEAMS!!
Playoff Teams!!
Z=Best conference record, clinched division and first-round bye
Y=Clinched division
X=Clinched Wild Card
SHREDDING and owed apologies. Oh, so much shredding!
And, of course, the ever important game of ‘Who got fired!’
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to take our 20th stroll down AFC East Boulevard.
And for the record, no postseason results were included here.
DISCLAIMER: The views in WTS are mine and mine alone, with some exaggeration and hyperbole here and there.
*Note: All team page hyperlinks are to ESPN
AFC East
Y-Buffalo: 3–1 | Part 2: 5–4 | Part 3: 6–6 | Part 4: 11–6
X-Miami: 3–1 | Part 2: 6–3 | Part 3: 9–3 | Part 4: 11–6
NY Jets: 1–3 | Part 2: 4–4 | Part 3: 4–8 | Part 4: 7–10
Patriots: 1–3 | Part 2: 2–7 | Part 3: 2–10 | Part 4: 4–13
State of the AFC East
Buffalo: “I don’t know if Buffalo is going to make the playoffs.
Chiefs, Cowboys, Chargers, Patriots and Dolphins. Those are the final five opponents the Bills have to play with a 6–6 record.
Buffalo is only 3–5 against AFC opponents and blew a big lead to Philadelphia in an overtime loss.
We may not get the breaking tables disclaimer this year. I always crack a huge smile when I get to use that video!”
Not only did Buffalo win the AFC East on Sunday Night Football and win their final five games…
And not only did they tie the Jan. 7 game with a Deonty Harty 96-yard punt return touchdown that can be found in File PT4-TDPunt-Bills…
BUT THE BILLS ARE GOING BACK TO THE PLAYOFFS AND HOSTING PITTSBURGH!!
Bills Mafia, another year of a Part 4 narrative has been fulfilled. Let’s have some fun!
*Disclaimer: I do not condone the burning of tables, and people jumping into them. I do, however, find people stupidly jumping into and breaking tables hilarious!
Miami: “The Dolphins have been good from a fantasy and on-field perspective. From hanging 70 on Denver, to obliterating most foes left and right, you never know if it’ll be by Tyreek Hill (okay, he gets the ball a lot), Jaylen Waddle, Raheem Mostert or De’Von Achane.
There is just one, teeny ~tiny~ problem:
Buffalo, Kansas City and Philly.
Associate Paul laid it out in simple terms: The teams that are supposed to be good, Miami hasn’t pulled the wins out.”
Dolphins, you’re going to the playoffs but guess who you have to play?
The Kansas City Chiefs. At Arrowhead. In potential weather that could feel like -30 degrees.
AKA, you might be screwed. Emphasis on the might because there is a ray of hope: Tyreek Hill.
“But Fitz! How can a dude whose house caught fire save Tua and Mike McDaniel from the hell of Arrowhead and Patrick Mahomes?!”
Do you remember where Tyreek first started his NFL career?
Now do you understand? It’s the perfect homecoming game for Tyreek to go off and get 10 receptions for 164 yards, with two receiving touchdowns and another on the ground.
Let’s hope Hill is enough to save Miami.
New York: You really could have used Joe Flacco, eh Jets?
I’ve left a bunch of the teams whose hopes have died with their franchise quarterbacks alone this season. It’s too bad that certain… circumstances have necessitated some cold truth.
Zach Wilson is one of the biggest quarterback busts ever. While I was not alone on how high his potential could be, I was wrong.
Way wrong!
Four different starting quarterbacks and yet another year without a postseason berth?
This is what, the 13th straight season, right?!
Go into the corner and don’t come out until after the draft. I dare you to select an Aaron Rodgers successor with a Day 2 pick, just to see the death spiral.
New England: I’m writing the first half of this narrative prior to Week 18 Sunday and Brandon will keep it that way for purposes of storytelling. At least for the moment.
It’s been a 100% mind numbing experience to see a Bill Belichick team look like the majority of Cleveland Browns teams I w̶a̶s̶ t̶o̶r̶t̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ b̶y̶ grew up watching.
Watching bad football week in and week out. Then, you’d look to New England and see The Hoodie and the greatest quarterback of all-time, Tom Brady, casually make 13 AFC Title games. That translated into nine Super Bowl appearances and six Super Bowl rings.
Having the illusion of the Patriots Empire disappear has been such a weird phenomena. With the rumors of a divorce between one of the greatest coaches to ever live and Robert Kraft circulating for months, would this be the true end of the glory days?
The answer is: Yes.
New England, welcome your new overlord! Jerod Mayo has ascended the throne and also takes the title of youngest head coach in the NFL away from Sean McVay.
It’s only about a month that Mayo has on McVay, but still, good for Mayo to get the gig.
This is going to be so weird, especially seeing Belichick joke about Tim Tebow is weird.
Intern Allison, please feed the clip!
Good god! WHAT HAPPENS TO NEW ENGLAND NARRATIVES NOW!! ASSOCIATE PAUL!! SOUND THE ALARM!!! NEW ENGLAND NO LONGER HAS BELICHICK!!!
And Nick Saban has retired from coaching at Alabama. Unbelievable.
When did we get old, Brandon?
AFC North
Z-Baltimore: 3–1 | Part 2: 7–2 | Part 3: 9–3 | Part 4: 13–4
X-Cleveland: 2–2 | Part 2: 5–3 | Part 3: 7–5 | Part 4: 11–6
X-Pittsburgh: 2–2 | Part 2: 5–3 | Part 3: 7–5 | Part 4: 10–7
Cincinnati: 1–3 | Part 2: 5–3 | Part 3: 6–6 | Part 4: 9–8
State of the AFC North:
Baltimore: Time to look back on one of WTS’ earlier narratives. It’s everyone’s second-favorite game:
Is Lamar Jackson a franchise quarterback?
Here’s what I said from 2019:
“You can call it homerism, but until he can throw the ball like his life depends on it versus every team like Russell Wilson does nowadays, I cannot say he is. How many running QBs last more than 15 years in the NFL? RGIII isn’t a franchise quarterback, and Newton is hurt right now.
Don’t get me wrong, Jackson is electrifying, but athleticism and running can only get you so far. At some point, that offense the Ravens run will be figured out, and teams will be smarter to put a spy on Lamar every single play.
I am not impressed with under 200 yards passing versus other squads with good defenses. Lamar will win the MVP. He’s VERY GOOD and closer than Baker Mayfield is to being a franchise quarterback after his step back from last year.
Show me the arm in all situations against good and better defenses, and then we can talk. Miami and the Bungals don’t count as NFL defenses.”
And here is my verdict now: Jackson has finally reached Tier 1 quarterback status.
This whole arc finally sees Lamar evolve. While not confined to the pocket and still lethal as a runner, we’re seeing more of what he needs to do to stay healthy and productive over the long haul.
Case in point, the obliteration of Miami. If you missed it, Jackson dropped back as a lefty before flipping around and chucking the ball for a right-handed touchdown throw.
ALLISON! Let’s show ’em the clip. File lefty fakeout.
It may not be the way I expected Lamar’s progression to go, but he’s finally there. Tier 1. He can’t be denied that status.
I’ve had enough of stomaching my pride for any Harbaugh-led team. I did the same thing for New Year’s Day when I rooted for Alabama to get ousted. I need a…
Oh god. Is this what I think it is?
WHERE’S THE *BLEEPING* KOOL-AID?!?!
Cleveland: “This was not a happy ending. Cleveland got smashed in Denver and despite a great performance in Los Angeles coming off the couch by…
Intern Mindy, are you sure this name is right?!
Well, I’ll be damned! Despite the loss, a 38-year-old Joe Flacco actually looked semi competent. UNLIKE A CERTAIN FRANCHISE QUARTERBACK WHO HAS PLAYED IN TWELVE GAMES THE PAST TWO YEARS FOR $230 MILLION GUARANTEED!!!!! I WAS READY TO DRINK THE KOOL-AID YOU–
*Sudden realization*
Ya know what? I’m gonna go do some yoga in my office. Just… give me a minute before Mindy or Randy have to knock me out.”
Joe Flacco led Cleveland to the playoffs.
After years of screwing the Browns.
He actually looks competent, and the Browns are going to the playoffs!
PLAYOFFS!!
BROWNS!!!
SUPER BOWL!!!!!!
ASSOCIATE PAUL, BREAK OUT THE KOOL-AID!! WE ARE ALL IN ON WACKO FOR FLACCO!!!
*Brandon here! Sean may or may not have nearly destroyed our headquarters. We barely put a stop to his Kool-Aid induced rave. Thanks to Intern Mindy knocking him out with a chair, we were able to get him back under control. We cannot release the video or audio.*
Ow! My head!! That really hurt!! How long was I out for?!
*Shown video of what happened*
Oh, god. I really let loose there, huh? Alright I understand.
Still, ~it felt so good!~
You know, I said it would be all business this year with the Browns.
I said that making the playoffs would be the expectation.
That expectation did not include four starting quarterbacks (okay, five if we count Jeff Driskel’s Week 18 cameo) before the carousel landed on Joe Flacco and only four of your 11 first-game offensive starters not going down before Week 16 action.
Guard Wyatt Teller, tight end Davis Njoku and wideouts Amari Cooper and Elijah Moore were the only survivors prior to Ethan Pocic and Joel Bitonio making swift returns.
Since Week 2, you’ve had no Nick Chubb. There has not been any Full Chubbs for nearly the entire season.
Yet, here stand the Browns, going to Houston with a real chance at a Super Bowl.
This is only the third winning season since 2007. They did it with injuries galore, and Kevin Stefanski continued to shut the haters up.
Yeah, I’m taking my victory lap on my old article of Kevin Stefanski’s hiring.
I’m going to single out the anti-Stefanski collective who have called for his head to be fired. I need to know how much damage you all have.
No, seriously! Is it because the Browns have been terrible for years that nothing short of 70–0 shutouts every week will satisfy you or are you trying to manufacture fake drama because the organization — while not the beacon of stability since 1999 — has some semblance of actual good football people in the building?
You all can take a deep breath and realize that Stefanski is NOT your problem. Every coach has flaws. Accept it and be HAPPY!!
Back on track. You know what we — no! — America needs?
A Browns-Lions Super Bowl. Don’t ask questions! It’s the only acceptable answer.
*Sees more Kool-Aid on desk*
IT’S TIME FOR–
*Randy knocks Fitz out before another Kool-Aid incident occurs. Brandon just shakes his head*
Brandon: He wasn’t kidding when he said he was drinking the Kool-Aid.
Pittsburgh: We were this close to Pittsburgh having its first losing season under Mike Tomlin in his 17 years. The last time the Steelers were under .500 was 20 years ago, when they went 6–10?
Then, when it looks like the Browns broke this team, when George Pickens refused to block for Jaylen Warren because of injury, and Pittsburgh is down to MASON FREAKING RUDOLPH…
They finished with 10 wins to extend that streak. Oh, and undeservedly snuck into the playoffs through the back door.
The Steelers could have given us world peace with a losing record! Wars would have ended! Everyone would have food aplenty!! We would be living in a utopia!!!
The Steelers said no and denied us that reality.
At least this is the first time since 1989 they’ve finished below Cleveland in the division.
Oh, wait! Are Steelers fans actually trying to whine about Myles Garrett being a favorite for Defensive Player of the Year over T.J. Watt?!
Ya know what? I CAN BE PETTY, TOO!! TIME FOR SHREDDING AND SCORCHED EARTH!!!
I don’t care if you made the playoffs! You are frauds! FRAUDS!!
Kenny Pickett?
BENCHED AND SUCKS!!
Mitch Trubisky?
He’s a backup, and I dare not disparage a son of Mentor.
RUDOLPH THE (REDACTED BY BRANDON)!
Okay, fine! Mason Rudolph?
Hot garbage.
Dustin Hopkins nearly broke your season with this kick!
Oh, and TJ Watt will miss weeks of time.
Good luck trying to slow down Josh Allen and James Cook! Kendrick Perkins represents what will happen to the Steelers.
If it weren’t for another cluster****, I would have mulliganed you.
Cincinnati: “The Bengals are f***ed.
Joe Burrow’s season ended with a freak wrist injury.
Jake Browning is pulling his best Nick Foles impression, but the Bengals are now eliminated from Super Bowl Contention.”
Say goodbye to Tee Higgins and Tyler Boyd!
The window is going to shut, and Burrow is going to need to do it with just him and JaMarr Chase moving forward.
I really don’t feel like saying more. If I did…
You don’t want to know. You really, really don’t.
AFC South
Y-Houston: 2–2 | Part 2: 4–4 | Part 3: 7–5 | Part 4: 10–7
Jacksonville: 2–2 | Part 2: 6–2 | Part 3: 8–4 | Part 4: 9–8
Indianapolis: 2–2 | Part 2: 4–5 | Part 3: 7–5 | Part 4: 9–8
Tennessee: 2–2 | Part 2: 3–5 | Part 3: 4–8 | Part 4: 6–11
State of the AFC South:
Houston: “C.J. Stroud is an MVP candidate.”
If it’s not Lamar Jackson, Stroud is the only acceptable answer.
Ten wins as a rookie starter, an eight win improvement from 2022. He showed up and bailed Houston out.
He helped win you the division and now you get to host a home playoff game.
Carolina will never hear the end of this unless they fix Bryce Young.
Jacksonville: I am so disappointed in you. You were 8–3.
Then you collapse like no team I’ve ever seen, falling to Tennessee and finishing 9–8.
You lost five of your final six games. At one point you were in position for the №1 seed in the AFC!!
Doug Pederson, you blew it!
Trevor Lawrence, you blew it!!
Shad Kahn and the entire team and organization, YOU BLEW IT!!!
You know what the worst part is?
YOU LET THOSE WHINY STEELERS INTO THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!
YOU’RE THE AFC MULLIGAN TEAM BY 10,000 MILES!!!!!!!!!!
~I NEVER THOUGHT I’D ACTUALLY BRING BACK THE MONIKER AFTER LAST YEAR, BUT THIS IS A NECESSARY PUNISHMENT!!~
THE JAGUARS ARE DEAD!!!! LONG LIVE THE SADUARS!!!!!!!!!!!
Kendrick Perkins, do it!
You’re gonna have to earn your honor back, Saduars. PROVE IT TO ME!! SHOW ME YOU’RE NOT THE FALL DOWN CONS!
Indianapolis: The Dolts got above .500… and blew their chance to make the playoffs like they did with Carson Wentz in 2021.
Congrats on a good season, but you choked at the end, Dolts. No honor restored for you!
Tennessee: Mike Vrabel got canned.
I honestly thought he’d be safe. I don’t think you can blame Vrabel for trading away A.J. Brown. That move literally caused your current death spiral, and Derrick Henry likely played his last game for the Tennessee franchise.
Welcome back to the realm of mediocrity. Unless Will Levis is your true answer, I will enjoy the 6–11 or 7–10 narratives about you guys. I don’t know who you can hire that WANTS to be in Tennessee to replace Vrabel.
AND THEN CAME AMY ADAMS STRUNK!!
What’s wrong here!? SHE SPOKE TO THE TEAM WEBSITE INSTEAD OF REPORTERS!!!
SHE MADE THE CALL “ALONE” AND CHOSE NOT TO FACE THE MEDIA!! She sent her stooge Ran Carthon out to do it for her.
All the while she gets the friendly, scripted interview session while giving off the ~appearance of competency!~
THAT’S IT! YOU MADE THE WRONG CHOICE, STRUNK!!
THE TITANS ARE DEAD!!! LONG LIVE THE RUNTS!!!
You nearly escaped punishment. NOW SELL THE TEAM!!!
Intern Zack, get me the appropriate video!
Wait, Intern Zack? Where are you?
Allison, Jake and Jason, where’s Zack?
*They don’t know*
Uhhh… Mindy, Randy and Paul, WHERE IS ZACK?!
*They’re clueless*
Where did-
*ALERT: ONE-WAY TIME MACHINE HAS GONE BACK TO 2014*
You’re kidding me?! BRANDON!!! GATHER UP JASON AND THE OTHER INTERNS WHILE I HELP PAUL LOCATE THE TIME BRANCH WE NEED TO LAND ON WITH THE PERFECTED TIME MACHINE!!!
RANDY! Lock all the other stuff down immediately! Destroy all blueprints and models that may remain of that ‘Other secret project’ and change the passcodes!! I think we have a big problem!! Hang on folks! We’ll get you to the AFC West shortly!!
Mindy! You’re not a full-fledged associate yet, but take charge for a moment so we can keep things rolling!
Oh. My. God. The Part 1 monologue!
“Brandon and I told Mindy that she didn’t need to keep an eye on Jason this year with the Time Machine, and we had enough folks to cover everything. To our surprise, it isn’t Jason who she’s worried about.
After what Intern Zack pulled last year with accessing the crystal ball, she’ll at least have a second desk close by him in the office to make sure he doesn’t try anything funny, as she’ll be very busy on video coordination most of the time.”
Mindy was right to keep a close eye on Zack! And the one time we slipped up, he did something stupid.
I might have to actually fire an intern.
AFC West
Y-Kansas City: 3–1 | Part 2: 7–2 | Part 3: 8–4 | Part 4: 11–6
Las Vegas: 1–3 | Part 2: 4–5 | Part 3: 5–7 | Part 4: 8–9
Denver: 1–3 | Part 2: 3–5 | Part 3: 6–6 | Part 4: 8–9
LA Chargers: 2–2 | Part 2: 4–4 | Part 3: 5–7 | Part 4: 5–12
State of the AFC West:
Kansas City: Ahem. Sorry for the delay. We’re handling the situation.
So where was I?
Ah, yes! Kansas City! ~How delightful!~
You have no idea how close the Chiefs came to getting the mulligan.
I’m not joking. Before the Saduars choke job, I had you guys on the shortlist.
You lost to Aidan O’Connell, who put up this performance on Christmas Day! I really had you at the top of the list.
Patrick Mahomes has had enough of Kadarius Toney at this point, and the losses this year made the Chiefs into whiners. They became the villains of the NFL.
Unfortunately, you have forced me into creating a new invitational division after winning the AFC West for the eighth year in a row.
THE AFC WEST IS DEAD!! WELCOME IN THE KANSAS CITY INVITATIONAL DIVISION!!
May god help us all.
Las Vegas: The Raiders brutalized the Chargers via Scorigami, and this was in front of the Chargers’ wives and kids.
Look, I’m not going to paint the rosy picture. The Chargers were dead to rights and here we are with another coaching decision to make.
Antonio Pierce, Jim Harbaugh, you name it. I don’t care who you get. Mark Davis, make sure it’s the right person because you are always teetering toward the brink of annihilation here.
One suggestion: Don’t hire from New England.
Denver: I was maybe going to think about restoring your honor but then came the benching of Russell Wilson for not adjusting his contract.
Or just that whole saga that got quashed until Denver was reasonably eliminated from playoff contention.
This trade somehow looks worse than another AFC contender’s move to acquire a franchise quarterback.
Yet, here we are! You got the requisite eight victories but could not get above the required point differential.
You are the Brocn-lows. You may play at Mile High, but the hopes are so, so low right now.
Go into your corner and figure out your mess!
LA Chargers: “I have so much vitriol stored up for the Chargers. In years past, I have promised fire and fury.
In Part 4, I am turning the turf of SoFi into a diamond surface. I want to encapsulate ALL of the screwups of Hack Staley!”
I like to think I am a reasonable man.
When a reasonable man ventures into the realm of irrationality due to other people’s stupidity, you get the diamond surface I’ve turned the turf of SoFi Stadium into.
Justin Herbert was killed (fractured finger in Week 14) and sent to IR for the rest of the season due to Hack Staley’s UTTER INCOMPETENCE!!
A ~defensive coach~ is what they call this hack? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH!!
YOU GAVE UP 63 POINTS TO LAS VEGAS AND AIDEN O’CONNELL!!! THAT WAS PATHETIC AND EVEN DEAN SPANOS AGREED BY GIVING YA THE BOOT.
The only ~defense~ was Hack Staley defending his utter incompetence!
Kendrick Perkins demonstrates exactly what Las Vegas did to your sorry excuse of a football team.
Remember Jacksonville last year?
Remember how you REALLY could have used Mike Williams in that playoff game??
YA PLAYED HIM UNTIL HE GOT INJURED IN LAST SEASON’S WEEK 18!!
YOU HAVE A F***ING GOLDEN GOOSE AND WEAPONRY!! AND YOU SCREWED YOUR GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO WIN A SUPER BOWL AND BE SOMETHING IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN LEAGUE!! ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR EGO AND THINKING YOU KNEW BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE!
DEAN SPANOS NEEDS TO SELL THE TEAM AFTER FIRING THIS HACK!!
THE HYPOTHETICAL NEW OWNER NEEDS TO MOVE THE TEAM BACK TO SAN DIEGO (Where they belong)!!
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!!
I. Am. Sick. Of. Your. Franchise!!
If not for the pain you’ve put Herbert through, I’d have given the Dolts moniker to you. I still might.
Take your pink slip and go, ya damn Hack! HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!!!!
We’re not moving onto the NFC East just yet. After the horrendous calls of weeks past, ESPECIALLY the DELAY OF GAME FOR SUDDEN MOVEMENT THAT WASN’T IN THE MNF DOLPHINS-RUNTS GAME…
It’s time to introduce the newest division making its one-off appearance.
__________________
NFL Refs
Zebras: 4–0 | Part 2: 9–0 | Part 3: 13–0 | Part 4: 18–0
State of the NFL Refs:
Zebras: Everyone loves taking the easy cheap shots at the referees (Kansas City, stop bitching about the Kadarius Toney offside call!), but this is deserved!
I debated making the refs win and lose every week, but every week they make it about them, so they always win.
The officials are either good, bad or really bad under the microscope of social media.
The refball and tacky calls or non-calls are maddening. The inconsistency is maddening. The absolute bullcrap of Myled Garrett barely getting ANY holding calls, despite evidence to the contrary, should be a fireable offense.
And don’t get me started on the Charmin Soft roughing the passer calls that can just be a defender’s hand briefly grazing (not smashing a fist into) a quarterback’s helmet!!
I know the refs have a thankless job, but there are some longtimers who continually post bad results, and yet, they don’t wish to improve.
From my perspective, I don’t think it’s due to the lack of full-time officiating. For the aforementioned officials who have been around a while and choose not to improve, they are absolutely lazy if they aren’t seeking to better themselves on the gridiron (and the gridiron only).
At least the NFL has some more recourse with the Zebras compared to Major League Baseball’s inability to get rid of the hack of an umpire that is Angel Hernandez.
__________________
With that little diversion out of the way, onto the NFC East and somewhere in the NFC, the NFC’s Mulligan Team.
Oh! Editor Brandon Lewis is not gonna be happy about this one!
__________________
NFC East
Y-Dallas: 3–1 | Part 2: 5–3 | Part 3: 9–3 | Part 4: 12–5
X-Philly: 4–0 | Part 2: 8–1 | Part 3: 10–2 | Part 4: 11–6
NY Giants: 1–3 | Part 2: 2–7 | Part 3: 4–8 | Part 4: 6–11
Washington: 2–2 | Part 2: 4–5 | Part 3: 4–9 | Part 4: 4–13
State of the NFC East:
Dallas: The Cowboys were the better team.
Mike McCarthy may or may not be a hack, but if San Francisco loses prior to the NFC Title game, Dallas is Super Bowl bound.
Book it right now.
And we are all losers for it because the Mulligan team screwed everything up!
Philadelphia: Philly collapsed.
They “reassigned” Sean Desai… and proceeded to give the hack that is Matt Patricia power over the defense. That backfired.
They blew the division.
AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF…
They cost me a fantasy title because De’Andre Swift gave Jake Elliott a longer kick for more points.
I’m even more salty than the Red Sea right now.
I WAS GOING TO MULLIGAN THE COWBOYS BUT Y’ALL BLEW IT!! THE EAGLES ARE DEAD UNTIL SEPTEMBER!!! LONG LIVE THE FLEAGES!!!
Welcome back, Fleagles!!
Oh, but ya know something? I’m not shredding just you! Because this is a bit of a late Christmas gift to editor Brandon Lewis.
We’re shredding someone who’s said some of the dumbest crap I’ve seen on the internet.
Here is the Philadelphia Columnist whose writing may or may not come across with certain… let’s call it uncalled for undertones.
I hate touching on this topic, but how tone deaf is Mike Sielski? Anyone who can read and comprehend can see the shot this guy took.
If it seems I’m being vague, it’s because I don’t want to throw the very big word out without further evidence.
NY Giants: Because you beat the Fleagles, I’m giving you your honor back, Giants. However, it’s a temporary pass.
One screw up this offseason, and you will be the New Jersey Frauds once again.
I’m being nice. I really shouldn’t since Brian Daboll wasn’t fired, but lucky us, this means more shredding in 2024!
I love having future material at the ready.
Also for the love of god, ACTUALLY EXTEND SAQUON BARKLEY OR LET HIM WALK! Don’t screw that guy over again.
Washington: This is farewell to ‘Riverboat Ron’ Rivera.
The guy lost his edge. You can blame Dan Snyder for only so much, but Rivera was checked out.
Washington needs to either put Eric Bienemy in charge or bring in Mike Vrabel. And if Josh Harris really wants to jazz up the fans, he’ll bring in Vrabel, keep Bienemy as OC and if that tandem works, Bienemy is a head coach in 2025.
Let’s not forget that despite Sam Howell’s shortcomings, Bienemy did get a lot out of the former North Carolina Tar Heel.
I swear to god if Josh Harris doesn’t go for the home run hire, I’ll be sorely disappointed.
NFC North
Y-Detroit: 3–1 | Part 2: 6–2 | Part 3: 9–3 | Part 4: 12–5
X-Green Bay: 2–2 | Part 2: 3–5 | Part 3: 6–6 | Part 4: 9–8
Minnesota: 1–3 | Part 2: 5–4 | Part 3: 6–6 | Part 4: 7–10
Chicago: 0–4 | Part 2: 2–7 | Part 3: 4–8 | Part 4: 7–10
State of the NFC North:
Detroit: Detroit! You get a home playoff game for the first time in 30 years.
You’ve done it! The NFC North is yours!!
JASON AND PAUL, BREAK OUT THE KOOL-AID! WE ARE GIVING DETROIT A PARTY TO REMEMBER!! I’M–
*Death glares from Brandon, Mindy and Randy as I stop reaching for the Kool-Aid*
…NOT having any Kool-Aid.
OKAY DETROIT! TIME TO CELEBRATE THE ASCENSION!
I bet it feels really good, doesn’t it? It’s a much deserved reward for the Lions. We teleported to Detroit with the teleportation device to deliver them this special batch of Kool-Aid.
Did you know this is the first time all three of Detroit, Cleveland AND Buffalo have made the postseason in the same year?
Now who are they facing this–
Oh.
Matthew Stafford. Against his old team. Meaning Jared Goff also plays his old team in the Rams.
This is going to be worth the popcorn!
Green Bay: I’m not ready to declare Jordan Love as a franchise quarterback yet.
He looked good, passing for 4,000 yards and 32 touchdowns through the air, yet I still feel like it’s not enough data. This was his first full season as a starter.
It’s a tough spot for me. While Green Bay made the playoffs and made old friend Alex Wilcox a happy man, why can’t I pull the trigger?
Maybe it’s partly because I want to see Green Bay suffer like several other franchises have for years?
Or I’m just cynical of (deadbeat narrative) Love losing to Kent State in a bowl game in college.
Time will tell. Time will tell.
If you do beat Dallas, and Love is the reason why, then he will be declared a franchise quarterback.
Minnesota: You guys aren’t worth the space.
No, I’m not bashing you.
I’m just bored. You’re boring me.
And do you know what happens when teams bore me?
They get heavily scrutinized the next year. PLAYOFFS OR BUST IN 2024, VIKES!! If you don’t get there, Brandon and I will have several monikers to gift onto you.
Chicago: I did not expect Matt Eberflus to be back, but I understand the logic.
Here’s the real question: Do you draft a quarterback with the №1 overall draft pick gifted to you from Carolina to replace Justin Fields? Or do you do the smart thing and draft a generational wideout in Marvin Harrison Jr.?
Look at what Harrison did for Kyle McCord! The son of the Hall of Famer is in a tier of his own. Fields, Moore and MHJ would be a nightmare for opposing secondaries!
There is one main concern: The offensive line.
If Fields can’t throw, the receivers are worthless. The same applies to not being able to create out of the pocket if he’s continually sacked.
There’s a lot of good problems for Chicago to have. They closed the season on a remarkably good note.
Ya know what, screw it! THE DE BUMS ARE DEAD!! LONG LIVE THE BEARS.
Or as Mike Ditka would say:
NFC South
Y-Tampa Bay: 3–1 | Part 2: 3–5 | Part 3: 5–7 | Part 4: 9–8
New Orleans: 2–2 | Part 2: 5–4 | Part 3: 5–7 | Part 4: 9–8
Atlanta: 2–2 | Part 2: 4–5 | Part 3: 6–6 | Part 4: 7–10
Carolina: 0–4 | Part 2: 1–7 | Part 3: 1–11 | Part 4: 2–15
State of the NFC South:
Tampa Bay: The more I look back at that NFL 100 commercial where Tom Brady gives Baker Mayfield all of his rings while he joins the fracas, the more the lines of reality blur.
Is it destiny that Baker followed Brady and led the Bucs to their fourth straight postseason? Or is it a win for the conspiracy theorists on why the NFL is scripted and rigged.
Give me the former answer and congratulations to Baker! The dude got a raw deal in Cleveland.
No, for real. He kept gutting through a labrum injury, yet the doctors deemed Watson too fragile?
Yeah, I don’t buy it. Mayfield, strut your stuff and make sure Tampa Bay re-signs Mike Evans.
I’m not declaring Super Bowls, but that NFL 100 commercial may be one of the scariest and unintentional predictions of all-time.
New Orleans: Dennis Allen deserves to be fired.
No, he isn’t a hack. He is an average coach, but one with a very, VERY big problem: Players defying orders and showing an utter lack of respect for his authority. If that doesn’t scream you losing the locker room, I don’t know what does.
For context, the players wanted to get Jaamal Williams a touchdown in Week 18.
Allen wanted to kneel down.
In what will be a favor to Atlanta fans, Jameis Winston and the players ignored the command and scored the touchdown anyway.
INTERN JAKE!! GET ME ‘File: Saints go rogue’!
Jameis, god bless you for doing the right thing and to Jimmy Graham for his sentiments.
NOW ONTO A FIRED HACK!!!
Atlanta: Barely 10 minutes into Black Monday, and Atlanta fired Hack Arthur Smith.
He wasted Drake London, Kyle Pitts, Bijan Robinson and so many more!
The guy shouldn’t have even been mad about the Saints running the score up while defying Dennis Allen. Hack Arthur made it so easy!
Oh, and the absolute meltdown!!
JASON OR SOMEONE!! Get me the beautiful clip of Smith melting down after the Week 18 collapse!
Absolute trash. The Fall Down Cons have wasted time, talent and brain cells more than I care to admit. The stupefying decisions this Hack made were truly up there with Hack O’Brien. 28–3 will forever be the fabric of this organization without some great movement.
I know I have more material to shred you with. Bijan having fewer rushing yards than 2022 rookie Tyler Allgeir, to the inexplicable decisions with London, Pitts and so many more.
Get out of my sight and figure out how to regain your dignity next year. You will be the Fall Down Cons until I see the results!
Carolina: I think Carolina fans have taken enough punishment for one year. I am sparing them and the players.
I am now Judge, Jury and Executioner of everything else.
David Tepper, you are found guilty of throwing a temper tantrum and being an impatient rich guy for throwing your drink on a fan.
I sentence you to work a beer stand at a home game next year.
Mr. Tepper is also found guilty for unprofitable ticket sales. Panthers tickets were selling for $0.45.
The fans punished your profits there, so that’s all squared away.
Now go cry in the corner and think about what you’ve done! And by that, I mean not drafting C.J. Stroud.
*Realization!*
I HAVE A NEW NFC SOUTH PUNCHING BAG!!!!
NFC West
Z-San Fran: 4–0 | Part 2: 5–3 | Part 3: 9–3 | Part 4: 12–5
X-LA Rams: 2–2 | Part 2: 3–6 | Part 3: 6–6 | Part 4: 10–7
Seattle: 3–1 | Part 2: 5–3 | Part 3: 6–6 | Part 4: 9–8
Arizona: 1–3 | Part 2: 1–8 | Part 3: 3–10 | Part 4: 4–13
State of the NFC West:
San Francisco: I honestly don’t have much to say for San Francisco other than well done.
The 49ers swoon was temporary during the first half. They’ve bulldozed their way through a majority of the league. While I love what Brock Purdy has done, those three losses plus the demolition by the hands of Baltimore do beg more questions.
I really think we’re a year or two away from knowing if Purdy is a byproduct of Kyle Shannahan’s system or a true franchise quarterback selected as Mr. Irrelevant.
Let’s see how this postseason plays out. I have a funny feeling it may not go the exact way we think, and that may not be a horrible thing, either.
LA Rams: As much as that shiny Lombardi has saved you, next year it will not.
Sean McVay and Matthew Stafford now have to travel to Detroit to face Jared Goff. A battle of two former №1 overall draft picks swapped for each other three years ago.
While Stafford’s homecoming to Detroit will be less amicable than in most circumstances, what will Goff do versus McVay?
If anyone knows the former Cal signal caller’s weaknesses and how to exploit them, it’s McVay.
At the same time, Dan Campbell is a madman, and we could see Goff go nuclear with Amon-Ra St. Brown to match Stafford with Puka Nacua and Cooper Kupp.
The Rams are a dangerous №6 seed, but they also have flaws. Their matchup has the most intrigue, and I can’t wait to see which side screws this up!
Seattle: “The conclusion I’ve come to is Geno Smith is definitely the medium term answer and the god of false hope.
Case in point: The Cowboys game being the Seahawks’ third loss in a row to drop and four of their last five. The group can put on a show. That’s a given, though would this team be better off trying to mortgage future capital to strike a deal with Chicago (who owns Carolina’s at the very top of the draft) to select a Caleb Williams or Drake Maye?
It may very well be a fool’s errand if Carolina wins a game and New England were to not win another game this year. The problem is Geno Smith is 33-years-old and turns 34 next October. He isn’t your franchise, that’s a certainty.
Even if Pete Carroll sticks around another year or two, don’t leave the cupboard bare for a successor. Go get one of them and pray to whatever god that isn’t false hope you that Carolina doesn’t win, and you can get Chicago to move out.”
Okay! Pete Carroll being ousted as coach (not fired) was not on the bingo card.
I don’t know why. I don’t know how. All I know is something reeks, and I don’t know WHAT HAPPENED!! It’s driving me up a wall, and I want to know now!
Was it THE God of False Hope — aka Geno Smith — doing God of False Hope things?
Was it the defense? Or his age?
Why would you force him out, and why is Dan Quinn suddenly the rumored savior for this franchise??
Because I’m gonna be honest, Dan Quinn will have a harder time working with this imperfect roster than what he had with Atlanta and Matt Ryan on their Super Bowl run. Quinn is a FANTASTIC defensive guru, a la the legendary Dick LeBeau (sorry, dad. I have to give credit where credit is due).
However, like LeBeau, Jim Schwartz and others before him *COUGH* Vic Fangio *COUGH*, he is best as a coordinator only.
If you made this move to get Mike Vrabel because the Runts are now a dysfunctional franchise, AND you land Vrabel, then all shall be forgiven.
Arizona: Kyler Murray is guaranteed nothing.
We’ve seen Los Angeles with Goff and soon Denver with Russell Wilson move on from big deals.
I think Kyler is a baller, and I wish he played baseball. Still, he’s a guy who makes plays on the gridiron.
The question is: Has he done enough to justify being in the fold going forward?
We’re talking about a Cardinals team that punted (rightfully so in hindsight) on Top 10 pick Josh Rosen for the former Heisman winner.
While Steve Keim and others from that era are gone, that’s the point: Jonathan Gannon and the front office aren’t beholden to Murray, nor do they have the same emotional ties and investment.
Don’t think that another QB needy team like New England, Tennessee with the DeAndre Hopkins connection, dare I say DENVER AND VEGAS(?!) or some wild card out of left field wouldn’t try him?
Okay, Denver is a no. Still, the Cardinals have a shot to take a quarterback, and we’ve seen them quickly pull the trigger.
If there’s a seismic wave this offseason, Arizona will be one of its origin points.
Five years are in the books, folks!
This has been one hell of a ride, and I’m always appreciative to everyone who drops by. You seriously have no idea how much it means to me.
We didn’t think we’d have another time travel incident on our hands, but we’ll give you an update in 2024 Part 1. Initial findings have been inconclusive.
These 20 write-ups from 2019 to now would not have been possible without the help of Brandon Lewis.
EVERY. SINGLE. WTS PIECE. This man has been there from the beginning, and I’m always going to be grateful. Please follow him on his Twitter (X). The guy has done this out of the goodness of his heart for five years, and I seriously won’t ever be able to thank him enough.
I’m legitimately starting to tear up a little bit. Sometimes I forget how fortunate I am to have good people like Brandon around. When he needed someone to cover for him on a (back then) Cleveland Indians Opening Day Roster breakdown at Black Squirrel Radio, I filled in for him on that piece.
Little did we know at the time that writing that up would be the catalyst to my journey as a writer and lead to all of this. Thank you so much for all you’ve given me, Brandon.
And one more time, thank you for continuing to follow along! My hope is we’ll see you back next fall for Year 6 of WTS: NFL Edition. Likely October, right?! I’ll have some columns posted between then and now.
We’ll see you later!
Sean Fitzgerald is an award-winning journalist, writer, sports reporter, voiceover talent and podcaster. Follow him on Twitter @fitzonsportsbsr for insights, articles and occasional livestreams, as well as bi-weekly columns here on medium.com.
